Obama isn't Kenyan! He is a Somali Pirate!!!

Shocking new photographs from Barack Obama’s African Past reveal that he was actually a Somali pirate in Hawaii during his youth, the feared “Child Scallywag of Honolulu.” Here, pictured with Liz Phair in the early 1960s or 70s (who the hell knows with this guy), the dread pirate O’bamar prepares to raid a Libya British crown colony and then head off to the Indonesian pirate lair of “Singapore” to live under the Socialist doctrine of rum, and sodomy. And even now that he’s “all growed up,” Barack Obama continues to welcome the various Pirate Kings to his mansion in Washington, where the terrible skull ‘n crossbones continues to fly beneath the disguise of “Old Glory.”

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