House Arrest = Fancy NYC Apartment

Dominique Strauss-Kahn is just too French and Fancy for normal jail with the other accused rapists. So he’s staying at a New York building called “71 Broadway,” wherever that is. The building manager sent out an email to the tenants, just to let them know there might be TV news reporters and other weirdos hanging around all the time. It’s funny how the big concern isn’t that there’s an accused sex criminal in the building, but that there might be a “media presence” outside the lobby. The rich, their problems are the same as ours! 


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MSNBC Finding Fresh New Ways to Destroy Themselves

Michael Steele was (barely) chosen as the Republican Party chairman a few years ago as a response to Barack Obama’s election to the presidency. Not a political response, so much as an image-y kind of thing. It’s hard to remember now, but the trend in 2008-2009 was all about tall, dark and handsome men. Especially the “dark” part. But the Republicans only had creepy old man Alan Keyes and bald Maryland mediocrity Michael Steele to choose from, and what’s his name, the pizza man, hadn’t yet been born. (Herman Cain is a super baby, were you aware?) So they, the Republicans, picked Michael Steele to run the Republican party. And all the angry white old people promptly started their own Republican Party, but without the black people, and they called this the “Tea Party” (even though they mostly drank Mellow Yellow). Now Michael Steele has finished his work at the RNC, and is going to be a TV star with Rachel Maddow and … I don’t know anyone else on MSNBC. This move comes as no surprise considering NBC just cancelled "Outsourced" and need to fill their brown, black, colored people quotient. 


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GOP Power Rankings

1. RONALD REAGAN
Why he could win: Just has to remind voters of Iran-Contra and his work with the mujahideen. People loved that! They can’t get enough of it!
Why he probably won’t win: Although 20 Republican-held state governments have redirected their Planned Parenthood funding to a team trying to reanimate his corpse, Reagan is getting really ratty and looks pretty skimpy in the football uniform they dressed him up in.

2. MIKE HUCKABEE
Why he could win: Could strike fear into the hearts of rogue dictators and terrorist masterminds by defeating them in pie-eating contests.
Why he probably won’t win: Really likes where his life is right now; also, completely unaware the last presidential election wasn’t just a one-time deal and actually happens every four years.

3. DICK CHENEY
Why he could win: If he sighs loud enough, people will be like, “Fine, Dick Cheney, you can be our candidate.” And then he only has to torture, what, 10 million people into voting for him?
Why he probably won’t win: The Constitution has amendments for what happens when a president dies, and he’s not really technically alive.

4. MITCH DANIELS
Why he could win: I don't really know who this guy is so he is probably somewhat acceptable.
Why he probably won’t win: Lazy ass has been in office for six years and still hasn’t killed a single Osama bin Laden.

5. PLANNED PARENTHOOD
Why they could win: Many states allow voters to switch parties or vote in another party’s primary, and Planned Parenthood becoming their presidential candidate would be the funniest thing ever to happen to the Republican Party, so people would totally do it.
Why they probably won’t win: Running mate ACORN would help black people vote fifteen times each so Obama wins in a landslide.

6. AN AMERICAN FLAG
Why it could win: What are Teabaggers gonna do, vote AGAINST the American flag?
Why it probably won’t win: Hmm, it’s not wearing a flag pin on its lapel. Must hate America.

7. MARK FOLEY
Why he could win: America loves a comeback!
Why he probably won’t win: Too butch.

8. A FRIED PORK & MAYO SANDWICH
Why it could win: Iowans love these huge, fatty things, and winning the first state gives a candidate a lot of momentum.
Why it probably won’t win: Doesn’t seem to be taking a position on ethanol.

9. GODWhy He could win: Considering the winning Republican candidate always thanks God for His endorsement in his victory speech, this Guy is the ultimate king-maker and advisor. Seems like He has a weird sense for things.
Why He probably won’t win: As much as God hates Obamacare, the antichrist’s approval ratings seem to be doing pretty well these past two weeks after killing bin Laden.

10. SARAH PALIN
Why she could win: A scenario: Every other human being on Earth makes an obvious, very logical choice that somehow results in all their deaths.
Why she probably won’t win: There’d be plenty of plant life around more in that scenario that would be more likable in an election matchup.

Bush Jr.'s BFF works for Pakistan! Wait What?

Here’s some hott Harriet Miers (Jr's failed Supreme Court Nominee) news from the nation’s top Harriet Miers blog: She’s now working as a lobbyist for Pakistan! Cool! Dealing with terrorist-coddlers like Pakistani officials is pretty much just as bad as working with Antonin Scalia, so President Obama should totally appoint her to the Supreme Court again. Just look at Pakistan getting off the hook for abetting Osama bin Laden. She’s earned it!

She is registered lobbyist for the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, Pakistan People’s Party and Pakistan President and co-chair of the PPP Asif Ali Zardari. Miers even reps Zardari’s kids, according to her Justice Dept. filing.

She began working for Pakistan, a $75K a month account for LLS, in August 2008 during the wind-down of Bush II’s second term.

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Romney Raises 10 Million in One Day!

A whole lot of old white guys who could have donated herds and herds of goats to starving villages to raise and improve their livelihoods instead “maxxxed out” to the second failure campaign of a fellow very, very rich white man who can actually fund this retirement adventure himself.

“We are overwhelmed by the outpouring of support for Governor Romney’s campaign,”

said a person who only gets one life to live on this planet but for some reason has decided to spend it with the less interesting Mormon in this contest of utter losers.

“The results are a strong indication of the national enthusiasm for Governor Romney and his pro-jobs platform.”

Oh, so it was the unemployed and those worried about their future employment who donated to this rich fuck! Probably not the best financial decision, but considering the financial decisions of most of our countrymen, it’s not bad, relatively.

Fuck it. We all die Saturday anyway. 

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Seriously Waaaay to Many Black People in the White House

White America is very concerned about what is happening to the White House these days — key word here being, of course, “white.” Michelle Obama has recently been seen in public doing urban dances, and even invited some sort of gang member to the White House for a poetry reading/cop-killing brainstorming party. Many Americans are under the impression that at this rate, Tyler Perry will soon have an office in the West Wing to share with the Black Panthers, or the Crips. They are all the same thing, right? What exactly is Michelle up to?


"Urban" Dancing

Waaaay to many Black people in the White House

I don’t know what happened to this country, but apparently a negro rapper was allowed inside the White House to read his so-called “poetry,” like black people have ever written poetry. There was a time, honestly, when black people were kept to the various servant and kitchen positions in the White House. But not with this president, no sir. I’ve never heard of this rapper “poet” minority, but VIBE/JET Magazine senior editor Sarah Palin said he’s no good! That’s enough for me. (I always trust crazy old white grandmas in Alaska when it comes to choosing my hip hop.)


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If it'z on the Interwebz it haz to be for realz....right?

Considering the Obama administration has made it clear they have not and will not release any photos of Osama bin Laden’s corpse, most people would realize the fakes floating around the Internet, which are not even Photoshopped all that well, are not real. Republican Senators Saxby Chambliss, Kelly Ayotte, and Scott Brown, however, saw these on somebody’s LiveJournal or whatever and decided they had been privileged with seeing classified photos. “The head area, obviously, he had been wounded. I can’t describe it –- give any better description than that,” Ayotte said, pretending she was important enough to be given access to the bin Laden pixx but wasn’t really allowed to discuss them. These senators apparently forgot the Internet is not just available to them.

Senator Saxby Chambliss, R-Georgia, the top Republican on the Senate Intelligence Committee, told CNN and other news organizations Wednesday morning he had seen photos. He described them as “what you would expect from somebody who’s been shot in the head. It’s not pretty.” [...]
Late Wednesday afternoon, Chambliss admitted to reporters a photo he had described earlier in the day was not an “official photo,” but rather a picture he was shown on an electronic device, and he does not know if it was authentic.

“I have been privileged with joining an exclusive club for senators that gives me access to buy one huge coupon a day at local businesses,” Chambliss continued. “But I’m not at liberty to describe it any further.”

Seriously, how the fuck do these people think the photos haven’t been released if they SAW THEM ON THE INTERNET?

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Another Link to another idiot

Yeeee Haw! Texas Racism at its best!

A Houston high school teacher found a great way to talk about the exciting news of Osama bin Laden’s killing: He told a Muslim girl in his ninth grade algebra class, “I bet you’re grieving.” Ha ha, just a topical joke! And then he added, “Hey, algebra is Muslim, too. I bet algebra is grieving.” Not really! He probably thinks algebra was delivered by White Jesus on a T-Rex during an Astros’ game at the Confederate States of America’s Alamo Dome in 1861. The school district put the teacher on administrative leave. What’s with these liberal activist school boards bending over for the terrorists?

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