Poverty Soars Under Obama???

Jesus, does anything ever go right in this turd country anymore? Poverty lines the streets of America knee-deep with roasted turd chips everywhere you turn. Totally, totally, *head shake*, Fox Nation is with y’all there. They just read this terrible study they will post about, because the study says it found that “child poverty increased in 38 states from 2000 to 2009. As a result, 14.7 million children, 20%, were poor in 2009. That represents a 2.5 million increase from 2000, when 17% of the nation’s youth lived in low-income homes” blah blah that is so terrible, is anyone at all paying attention to this societal depravity, like Fox Nation? See how bad things got from 2000 to 2009? That was a pretty tragic decade. Yeah, what the hell, Obama? 
 
Oh fine, the Fox Nation editors accidentally remembered that 9/11 was in 2001, NEVER FORGET, before Obama took office in 2009, and the headline now reads a very boring, “Study: 1 in 5 American Children Living in Poverty.”
Maybe their own story summary under the headline was the first clue?

How weird is it that Fox News can only be shamed into writing an actual journalistic headline when they realize they may have accidentally made fun of George W. Bush?

Hire Michele get $2 Gas!!!

Hollering pill junkie loser welfare brat Michele Bachmann promises everybody that if she is elected President, the price of gas will come down to $2. “That will happen,” she says, and nothing else. Ominous! Since Michele won’t specify how this will happen, I will reason through her promise: Bachmann yodels on and on in her speech that gas was $1.79 when Obama took office, which stupid, annoying experts note was the result of the economic crash forcing businesses and humans to stop shipping things or traveling anywhere. And since new domestic drilling can only produce minimal quantities compared to demand that OPEC would offset anyway by reducing output and thus have minimal to zero impact on gas prices, the only way to reduce prices again would be to just destroy the economy anew. But at least we will still have Jesus and a bargain $2 way for Americans to off themselves running the car motor in the closed garage, right Michele?

Link

Teabaggers wanna do what?

Here is a clever idea the Teabaggers have come up with to make sure President Obama stops getting his way: “Let’s just get rid of him,” they have decided. Yes, apparently, if America elects a president and then decides three years in that he is doing a poor job, not quite living up to his promises, or just flat out being an illegal Kenyan terrorist, America can just throw a tantrum and replace that bad president with a zombie overlord or some other hilarious character. Democracy. This is the strategy that Rep. Michael Burgess of Texas would like to use to get rid of the president, because it’s just so easy!
Some disgruntled patriots down in Texas were a little angry with their Rep. Burgess, because he voted to raise the debt ceiling, when he should have made a more valiant attempt to collapse the economy, so there would be more problems to blame on the black president.

Finally Rick is about to Roll Us

Rick Perry is “definitely totally” super almost officially about to run for this “President of the Damned” job that replaced the POTUS job title at some point during market trading today. This is basically the exact same headline we have been reading for weeks, but uh sure, let’s reflect on how terrible this would be. Is everyone excited to be ruled by another illiterate D-student Texas devil clown whose weepy prayers are automatically forwarded to God’s spam folder because God is already tired of the other idiot Texas frat prince who ruined His Earth with eternal wars and torture camps? Yes, apparently!

Mayor Goes Drunk Shopping

Sunland Park mayor Martin Resendiz got blitzed with a group of business executives one evening after work, and the inevitable sexytime things occurred, if only anyone can recall what they were. A tub of Crisco, some temporary tattoos and an iguana, maybe? No one remembers those things, seriously. Nine months later At some point a while after that, the company that owns these business executives showed up on the mayor’s doorstep with a lawsuit demanding the money he owed them for “the building contracts” that Resendiz signed that night. “Haha, good joke,” he said (probably). “What contracts? I used a condom?” No, Sloppy Joe! He did not, and so now he owes this company one million dollars in taxpayer child support for brand new building projects that Resendiz and everybody else never wanted. TA-DA! The miracle of construction begins anew.
From the Albuquerque Journal:

Sunland Park Mayor Martin Resendiz admitted in court-related proceedings that he was drunk when he signed nine contracts with a California company suing the city for $1 million.
“The day I signed … I had way too much to drink. It was after 5 p.m. and I signed it (the contracts) and I didn’t know what I was signing,” Resendiz wrote in response to questions from lawyers for the architectural design firm Synthesis+. “My sister had to pick me up.”
The lawsuit claims the company is owed $1 million for work performed under the nine contracts. The city contends the contracts were not valid because they weren’t approved by the City Council.
Resendiz said during a deposition that he had been drinking with company executives at a local restaurant and that he didn’t read the documents, ask for copies or for time to study them.

Resendiz is also planning to run for Congress. That is all.

Albuquerque Journal

Nobody Likes you Rick Perry

"God’s favorite candidate” Rick Perry is apparently not “everyone else’s favorite candidate” to throw a fringe right-wing Biblehumper block party, as it turns out: only 8,000 tragic souls have signed up for Perry’s “The Response” rally on Saturday, which is mathematically many less than the 71,000 or so people that fit in the gigantic football stadium where he’s holding it. Has America suddenly lost its appetite for asking God to solve its problems?


The AP reports on this tragedy:

Openly and deeply religious, Texas Gov. Rick Perry organized what seemed like a slam-dunk event for a politician in a state where religion and politics walk hand in hand: He would fill Houston’s Reliant Stadium with fellow believers in a seven-hour session of Christian atonement by some of the nation’s most conservative preachers, exhorting believers to pray about the nation’s moral decline.
Since he set up the event scheduled for Saturday, however, Perry has become the most talked-about almost-candidate in the 2012 Republican presidential field. But with only 8,000 RSVPs for a stadium that seats 71,500 people, virtually no politicians planning to attend, and a slate of organizers who hold out-of-mainstream views on religious freedom, gay rights and even Adolf Hitler, the event has become a potentially risky gamble if Perry is serious about running for the White House.

Oh come on, a gay-Hitler-themed religious dance is practically all anyone even does in Texas for fun these days. What gives, everybody?