Bake Sale Proves Republicans are Annoying

UC Berkeley College Republicans (newsflash: they have those!) want to make a serious point about how affirmative action is racist against white males, which they will accomplish by holding a bake sale that is racist against everyone else. Brilliant populism! The backdrop for this is a law proposed by California governor Jerry Brown that would allow state colleges to consider race and gender in applications, which in the reduced terms of a harebrained GOP student bake sale demonstration of “why this is bad” means that white male snack fiends have to pay $2 per cupcake, and everybody else pays a few quarters less for a baked good according to a randomly assigned scale of “this is how much less than a white guy you are worth.” Who can refute that kind of mathematical argument?
Asian-Americans? $1.50. Latinos? $1.00. Black people, oh, they are very cheap compared to white guys, they only pay $0.75. Ladies are worth 25 cents less than men across the board. Moral of the story: find the black ladies on campus, hippies! They will buy you cheap snacks.
From CNN:

“We agree that the event is inherently racist, but that is the point,” [Berkeley College Republican] President Shawn Lewis wrote in response to upheaval over the bake sale. “It is no more racist than giving an individual an advantage in college admissions based solely on their race (or) gender.”

Yes, eight black women are worth one white guy, is what they are trying to say, which is racist against white guys. UNASSAILABLE LOGIC.

Further Proof that the GOP are all Bigots

The cranky, fearful Republican Orcs of Broward County, Florida heard there was a MUSLIM, yes that’s a right a MUSLIM trying to join their little treehouse club of dingbats with the bizarre explanation that he, too, was a Republican. Forsooth, evil terrorist? Their childish response was to immediately change all the rules for club entry and subject the Muslim candidate for election to the party’s executive committee, Nezar Hamze, to a barrage of questions and accusations and screaming outbursts before telling him to get lost.
There is not a single part of this article that is not seething with the racist hatred and intolerance of the Florida teabagger, but perhaps here is a representative section:

Republicans, who changed their rules to publicly vet Nezar Hamze and then vote on his application by secret ballot, said they didn’t oppose him because he was a Muslim – but because he is associated with the Center for American-Islamic Relations, whose Washington-area affiliate was an unindicted co-conspirator in a federal terrorism indictment.
Hamze, CAIR’s South Florida director, said his local group had nothing to do with the suspect activities in Washington. He said CAIR advocates for civil rights for Muslims, who have been unfairly targeted ever since 9/11.
“I’m aligned with Republican values. And I want to serve the party,” Hamze said, who earlier told a reporter that any effort to block him was the result of anti-Islamic “bigotry.”
At times, when he addressed the packed room at the Sheraton Suites in Fort Lauderdale, a few members shouted out among the crowd of about 300.
“Terrorist!” said one man.
“Let him speak!” said another.
Members of Broward’s Republican Party said Hamze was making a mockery of their rules and was trying to become a member as a publicity stunt.
“I don’t have a positive impression of Mr. Hamze. I don’t think he will be an asset to our party,” said Scott Spages, who is involved in programs concerning radical Islam at his church, Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale.

And then they voted to exclude him 11-158 and America was saved from the terrible fate of diversity once more.

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More GOP Hypocrisy....Sigh

Hoo-wee, Michele Bachmann is back in Waterloo, Iowa where she was hatched, spouting as usual just “the complete opposite of whatever is actually the case in reality.” So what this time? Bachmann rambled a righteous yarn about the devilry and downfall of government spending and regulation Monday as she stood promising growth in front of a booming traffic-signal factory, one that is just doing really super well for itself because of the surge in infrastructure repair projects, which, oh hey, who pays for infrastructure projects? Who knows, probably the mystery billionaire fairy nymphs that go around financing public works projects when government red tape isn’t tangled in their wings. Whoever they are, Michele Bachmann is on their team to save this factory (that, again, is doing well despite the downturn).
The company that owns the factory, OMJC, receives about 80% of its revenues from the government, and the company’s chief executive told this to Bachmann. Her response, from the LA Times:

[OMJC CEO Alan] Yost, a conservative Republican, took pains not to spoil Bachmann’s event, playing down his company’s reliance on government spending in a conversation with the candidate.
“So you don’t get a government grant to do what you do?” she asked him.
No grants, he assured her. “I wish I could say we had great success in government funds, because everybody likes a handout,” he said.

“Oh oh oh, so you get government money. Just as long as you aren’t getting a government grant. We’re cool.” It’s from the book called How To Speak Republican, children!

GOP Trying to Secure Racist Vote

The GOP is of course known generally as the “pro-genocide party” when it comes to illegal immigrants, but the field of GOP presidential candidates appears to be worried that America’s dim racist slobs have not been able to connect them enough with this platform. “Hey,” the Racist Slob Empire of Arizona whispered, “we’ve got a guy for that.” Cue Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the deranged sociopath who builds sprawling desert concentration camps where he tortures other human beings for their failure to be white. GREAT. GOD. This guy, he is the GOP presidential field’s new boyfriend.
OR, should I say, they would all like to be his boyfriend, but hottest-girl-at-the-prom Joe Arpaio is still holding out.

From AP:

“They’re all calling him,” [Arpaio campaign manager Chad] Willems said, adding that Arpaio will take his time on deciding on making an endorsement. “They’re all in a hurry of course.”

In the meantime, Arpaio will brag about being a GOP slut, on Twitter. The Latino voters, they will love this!

Sarah Palin Polls Well with Black Men...

WOAH HO HO! America’s newspaper of record The National Enquirer has a DEF-CON 4 WORLD EXCLUSIVE scoop: Sarah Palin had sex with a black guy, once, in the late 80s, right before she got married! THE CRAZY PART: Todd Palin, he is not black! Sarah Palin had sex with someone who is not Todd Palin! Todd Palin, he is also not Glen Rice, the famous NBA basketball star who says he had sex with Sarah Palin in 1987. Todd Palin, no one wants to have sex with him! Why wasn’t Todd Palin black enough for Sarah, in 1987? Reagan was president in 1987. This is Reagan’s fault, this entire story, this entire post, just like Reagan is to blame for everything that is unholy and decrepit and crumbling in America.


UGH. Seriously, stop reading. Stop reading this. STOP. STOP NOW, SAVE YOURSELVES, TURN OFF THE INTERNET:

Publishing sources familiar with the contents of author Joe McGinniss’ highly-anticipated book “The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin” have revealed shocking secrets that will impact her decision to enter the 2012 presidential race.
In the book, which will be published on September 20^th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.
Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

This is somehow “revenge” for all those times Todd Palin was going around bonking prostitutes after they were married. That’s how good Sarah Palin is at revenge. PREEMPTIVE STRIKES, THEY DO NOT FAIL.

Tennis Is For Fancies Only.

Our FLOTUS has decided to get back to “business,” which means she is once again shoving things like fitness and exercise down the throats of America’s children, in between all the nachos and gravy that are already down there. Last Friday, Michelle Obama went to something called the “SmashZone” during the elitist tennis party known as The US Open to talk about tennis and smashing things, which just goes to show how dangerous this Let’s Move! thing is for our country and our delicate (and obese) children. Our FLOTUS spent some time talking about her love of tennis, before playing the sport with actual professional tennis players. We are guessing she managed to beat them all by distracting them with her FLOTUS charm, obviously.


Michelle Obama spoke to children at the USTA Let’s Move! event, explaining that tennis is a great sport because even if you live in a poor neighborhood, without tennis courts, you can learn to play the sport once you graduate from law school.

During a visit to New York on Friday to promote her “Let’s Move” anti-obesity program at the U.S. Open, Mrs. Obama talked about how she came to love the game, even though there were not a lot of tennis courts in Chicago’s South Shore neighborhood where she was raised.
Said Mrs. Obama, “Now, I’m probably like the average kid. I didn’t — I grew up in the city, on the south side. And there were not a lot of tennis courts around. So I really didn’t get exposure to the sport until after law school, when I just sort of picked it up and started playing with some friends. And it’s the kind of sport that you just develop a passion for. And I’m not really good or anything like that — that’s the beauty of tennis. You don’t have to be good to enjoy it, because I love the game and my skills are very questionable.”

Whether or not she is any good at the game, she sure looks fierce, waving that tennis racquet around!

Upset about the State of your State? Ban all things Gay!

North Carolina’s unemployment rate of 10.1% is worse than the national average by a full percentage point, which interestingly also ranks them even worse than Alabama. It is basically super humiliating to rank below Alabama in anything, so North Carolina lawmakers need something to raise North Carolina’s self-esteem. What’s an easy one? “What about one of those ‘gays are a Satanic cabal of goat rapists who should never be allowed to marry according to the state constitution’ thingys?” Sure, the North Carolina Assembly will pass that one, no problem. Who’s feeling better already?
The constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage will now go to the GOP-controlled state Senate, which will probably also pass this embarrassing, paranoid piece of legislation so that voters might go to their primary polling stations and oh-so-briefly forget their terrible jobless lives, through the magic of bigotry.
From the AP:

Ten House Democrats voted with nearly all Republicans in favoring of putting on May’s primary ballot a question that would make marriage the only domestic legal union recognized in this state. The bill passed 75-42 — above the 72 needed for any constitutional change — and is now headed for debate Tuesday in the Senate. A similar three-fifths majority would be needed.
Although 30 states have gay marriage bans in their constitutions, North Carolina is the only state in the Southeast without such a marriage limit there. State law already defines marriage between a man and a woman, but amendment supporters argue traditional marriage would be better protected against potential legal challenges by same-sex couples married in six other states and the District of Columbia.

The out-of-state gays and their judicial witchery! Will a constitutional ban on same sex marriage be enough? Next up, a constitutional amendment to add the text of the Bible 24 times at the bottom, just to be sure.

Majority of Fox News Viewers and Tea-Party Members are Bigots

Get out your miniature American flags and get ready for all those chain e-mails from Grandma because it’s almost that time of year again! It has now been ten years since 9/11, which means America has had ten years to grieve, reflect, and cultivate limitless hatred for a religion we can’t even begin to understand. This is the general conclusion of a poll conducted by the Brookings Institution that dared to ask, “Just how ignorant are we?” And because we are the BEST COUNTRY EVER CREATED BY GOD we have of course won the championship Gold Medal of Ignorance. Patriot victory laps around the neighborhood mosque!


This study, or “What It Means To Be American: Attitudes In An Increasingly Diverse America Ten Years After 9/11,” finds that Republicans, Teabaggers, and inbred hillbillies who rely on Gretchen Carlson for information are the most Islamophobic, but worry not, because the rest of America is pretty angry about Muslims, too.

Overall, the survey of nearly 2,500 respondents found that 47 percent of respondents think Islam is out of step with American values, while 48 percent disagreed.
Approximately two-thirds of Republicans, Americans who identify with the Tea Party movement, and Americans who most trust Fox News agree that the values of Islam are at odds with American values. A majority of Democrats, Independents, and those who most trust CNN or public television disagree.

While, according to the Brookings report, more than 60 percent of Americans don’t believe Muslims are trying to institute Muslim religious law — known as Sharia — across the U.S., there are an increasing number who do: Over the last 8 months agreement with this question has increased by 7 points, from 23 percent in February 2011 to 30 percent today.

Nearly 6-in-10 Republicans who most trust Fox News believe that American Muslims are trying to establish Shari’a law in the U.S. The attitudes of Republicans who most trust other news sources look similar to the general population.

Of course, these numbers are also reflective of President Barack Obama’s free-falling approval ratings. They are very connected, since “How much do you hate Muslims?” and “How much do you hate Barack Obama?” are the same question, except they are missing the important keywords “secret” and “terrorist.”

Rick Perry is a B****

Texas, Texas, burning down, where o where can the federal government be found? Rick “just secede already” Perry is all bent out of shape because, God, these idiots, the feds are too busy with their red tape to help Rick Perry do war on the enormous wildfires trying to swallow the entire state back into the earth. Perry requested federal assistance and giant fire-killing drones from Fort Hood that have yet to arrive, although we are not sure when he asked for it because he didn’t say, maybe a few hours ago? WHAT IS UP WITH THAT. Stupid government red war tape! Keep that middle finger raised high, Rick Perry. God and the Texas state legislature that is busy cutting the firefighters’ budget by $34 million in the midst of the crisis, they will still get their high-fives.
From the Austin-American Statesman:

Three days after fires started to burn in Central Texas, Gov. Rick Perry today expressed frustration that federal firefighting support, including equipment from Fort Hood, has yet to make its way to the firefighters.
Perry said the firefighters could use heavy equipment such as bulldozers to clear fire breaks.
“It’s more difficult than it should be,”he said. “When you have people hurting, when lives are in danger, I don’t care who owns the asset.”

The Obama administration, which has already approved seven federal grants for the disaster, did not say, “you are a horrible whiny biyotch, Rick Perry,” for some reason.

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